This is how I cried my eyes for days and mourned the loss of a best friend.
Growing up I never understood the hype of all those breakup quotes about guys hurting you and girls crying for days over
someone who is clearly just a loser.
Call me harsh but the truth is that I would always acknowledge the hurt after a breakup but I could never relate.
And I would often wonder when you have an amazing set of friends to support you, why would you mourn the loss of a crusty
boy who did not even know the difference between “than” and “then”.
Well, what if you lose the very friend that was supposed to support you through thick and thin.
This happened to me just yesterday and here is how I dealt with it.
1.You feel empty
If you are someone who regularly reads my blog posts you would know that I do not sugarcoat. Losing someone you thought you
would spend your life with shatters you and makes you feel really empty and you have to let yourself feel it.
And it mainly depends on the nature of the separation, but nonetheless there is pain that needs to be felt and you should not
run away from it. Rather give yourself a period of grief. I spent a week balling my eyes out every night to the point I had to
remove my friend from my Instagram handles to deal with the loss and I did not shy away from talking to people about it, sharing
my experience, and dealing with the loss in a way that makes me feel better .
The best advice that I have ever heard is that every person in your life is just for a phase, now this is not to be taken in a
negative sense but the truth is people come into our lives to teach us something or maybe to make some memories and as soon as winter
is over, so is the friendship. But this does not mean that you will not meet new people or not make more meaningful friendships.
A lot of times when you look at the timeline of your friendship you will find hints of toxicity that make it harder for you to move on.
Toxic people belittle you and make you feel like you are nothing without them and hence when they leave you to have to deal with their
loss and find your worth without them.
In my case, I did not recognize the level of her toxic behavior when I once sat down and analyzed her behavior against me and
that is when I came to a conclusion that why would I want someone in my life who does not really add any value and makes me feel
bad about myself.
Trust me a lot of times friendship breakups are a blessing in disguise.
A lot of times when you lose someone you miss the memories, not the person. But let me ask you one thing if you were to not have those
memories, would you still like the person?
If your answer is no, then acknowledge that time will heal your wounds because more often than not we are aware of the kind of people
our friends are. If you find yourself saying that he or she is not really the kind of person that you would be friends with, maybe the
seperation happened for good.
And if you answer yes, then remember that sometimes good people make mistakes and hurt other people. Some relationships are karmic
wherein the only reason for the relationship is to learn a lesson and maybe you are the person they learnt their lesson from.
Wish them the best but do not ask them back
You can never heal with hatred in your heart, put yourself in their shoes, and try to understand what triggered their action and forgive them. Imagine if you would have done the same thing what would you want the other person to say to you? forgiveness does not happen in a day, let it come naturally. I tried to justify every action of my friend and some of it really was not justified but I still wake up each morning trying to forgive her a little more.
Everyone on this planet has hurt someone but you know what emotionally mature people do? They acknowledge it and they act on it.
Even if they no longer want to be friends with you they will communicate their feelings and also do the right thing. Whereas
narcissistic people will always put their needs in front of yours and especially during a fall out they will ensure that they get
the longer stick.
So you have to understand that some people really do not of the headspace to do the appropriate thing, they do not want to tell you
the truth, they create imaginary scenarios in their head and keep playing their own version of the story and there is nothing that
you can do about it but try talking to them or worse just move on because they do not listen.
Even though it feels like it, the loss of one person does not mean that your life will stop.
You will still grow up and move on. You will still find people who will cherish you and love you. And no matter who the person is
you still have the time to get yourself together and give yourself a new beginning.
One thing that I always tell myself whenever I deal with any kind of breakup is that it was meant to happen this way. You cannot make
a person stay no matter what you do. You can talk to them, you can sort it out but you cannot change what they feel about you and so they have the absolute right to wake up
one day and decide that they want nothing to do with you and today or tomorrow they will leave if they want to and therefore the pain
of separation is inevitable.
A lot of times people go through their own issues and in turn hurt you because of the same. They do not realize the loss until they
are in a better headspace so many relationships are fixed just by giving them space.
Do not bash them or do not humiliate them, just give them the space that they need. A good person will always come back and try on
But you are not a rehab center for their issues, you can support them but you cannot babysit them into healing they have to make their
own conscious choice of changing and becoming a better person
Sometimes there is no bad blood or hatred, sometimes it's just the fact that maybe this friendship hampered your growth in some way
or even theirs and you cannot hold someone back by strings.
Frankly I am doing something that every article on this internet tell you to do,which is just let time do its work, a big part of
moving on is harbouring no hard feelings and you would notice that all of my tips revolve around mindset shifts and I can honestly
assure you that if you do choose to follow this blog post you will definitely feel a little better. But ofcourse you need to give
yourself time and patience to handle the loss of someone still alive.